well it's 11:45 only 15 mins till mother's day..this is going to be a very hard day for me. my first mother's day without you. i am going to miss your beautiful smile first thing in the morning with your great big hug telling me happy mother's day and your cards that you always made me. last year i had to work but when i got home you made big poster boards with your brother and sister and had them all over the house.they were everywhere. hanging on my bedroom door and my mirror on the table. the cards you guys made me. it was the best thing ever. see i love it when you guys make me stuff cause that is better then any gift you could buy.i cherish those things because it comes from the heart. i have always kept the things you guys made me. i miss you more and more every single day lexie lynn. it is so hard not having you here with me. most the time i like to sit by myself that way i can cry. this last month has been the worst, my whole life has been torn apart. i'm still so numb and i know someday my pain will ease but never truely go away. i know your shinning down on us all but i wish you were here making us all smile with your beautiful smile. just know your always with me deep within my heart and not a day goes by i don't think about you and cry. you will always be a part of me. even though you are far away and i can't see your smiling face i think about you night and day. i love you my beautiful girl and miss you more everyday.. loving you always, mommy
christine land |
days get harder |
May 11, 2013 |
Today i just feel like screaming..this pain will never go away..i miss you more everyday..its hard to be alone becouse thats when i cry for you..i cry hard and long and feel sick ..i miss you so much..tomorrow is mothers day..it will be a very hard day for your mom even tho we will all be there for her we cant take away her pain and when your child hurts like that you feel ever bit of it so it makes my pain so much worse and its already bad enough i see her sit in quietness and i no shes thinking of you and wondering how she will get her life back on track and she will someday but she will never stop missing and loving you u were her first born and she has protected you from the start and i no it breaks her heart that she couldnt protect you that sad day u went away and then theres the fact that this world is cruel and so is life and some look at us and say what didnt you do right that this little girl took her life..we did everything right and we loved you bigger than the world but like i said its a cruel eveil hard world and we would have done our best to protect you from it all..you are so missed and so loved and its so hard to no that god takes the best he must have needed you in heaven for i dont think he would have broke our hearts if he didnt need you..i no you smile on us everyday and they say theres no tears in heaven but i think you cry becouse you do see how much we hurt and miss you and i no you want us to move on and be happy but thats so hard and when i do laugh and smile i stop and think about just how sad i am and how much i miss you i will hug your mom tomorrow for you well she crys becouse we all no she will her heart is so heavy and broken and this day will be hard without you and ur smile ur song and dance just the way you made it a great day..i love you lexus lynn forever untill we meet again and please give grandma ann a kiss from me and tell her how much we miss her to..and say hello and hug your grandpa that you now have meet and tell him he was the best dad and is dearly missed..always watch over us all..we love and miss you ..love grandma